{"id":317,"date":"2020-03-27T07:06:19","date_gmt":"2020-03-27T14:06:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elizabetholdham.com\/wpd\/?p=317"},"modified":"2020-03-27T07:06:20","modified_gmt":"2020-03-27T14:06:20","slug":"rapid-fire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elizabetholdham.com\/wpd\/2020\/03\/27\/rapid-fire\/","title":{"rendered":"Rapid Fire"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Photo by James Farmer from FreeImages.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe have a critical task before us.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Browning looked at the two men and the woman sitting around the table, strangers all, before he spoke again. \u201cIt must be someone we can all agree on. The decision must be unanimous.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They shifted. The woman and one of the men looked at each\nother. The other man placed his head down on the table and groaned softly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe are allowed to vote on each name proposed.\u201d The woman, Mrs.\nDerringer, folded her gloved hands and focused on them. \u201cAnd we are each\nallowed to suggest three names.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLet\u2019s get on with it, then.\u201d Mr. Winchester put a beefy hand\ndown on the table and pushed himself up. \u201cI nominate my ex-wife, Maureen, her\nformer lover, Dr. Matthew Leavitt, and Father MacGregor, the priest from my\nchildhood parish. I don\u2019t know if he\u2019s still on this planet, but the world will\nbe a better place.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWinchester, you know the guidelines – no personal vendettas.\nWe all need to agree, and it\u2019s not for us to settle our grievances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAll the same, Browning, those are my three names, and I\nwon\u2019t withdraw them. I\u2019m not keen on this task, but as I have been selected to\nparticipate, I must stand behind the names I put forth.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\u2019re talking about people, not names, Mr. Winchester.\u201d\nMrs. Derringer crossed her ankles under the table and fanned herself with a\nsmall folding fan she drew from her purse. \u201cI nominate the homeless man with no\nlegs to whom I gave five dollars yesterday. He\u2019s located in front of Pier\nTwelve, 7 am daily. Or the woman who carries flowers down to the bay every\nafternoon. She gathers a large bouquet, throws them in, then lays down on the\nrocks to weep.\u201d She shook her head. \u201cIt would be a mercy.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Browning nodded. \u201cThose are acceptable. The homeless man,\nand the demented woman.\u201d He muttered as he wrote on a pad of paper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAre my names on that list, Browning? Make sure that you\u2019ve\ngot them all.\u201d Mr. Winchester pointed to the sheet of paper and looked over\nBrowning\u2019s shoulder. \u201cAh, good.  Which\nones are you submitting, by the way?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Browning picked up a newspaper, opened it to the local\nsection and laid it flat on the table. He drew a circle with his pen. \u201cThis\none.\u201d He drew another circle on the paper. \u201cThis one.\u201d He circled another. \u201cAnd\nthis one.\u201d He tossed the pen back on the table and Mr. Winchester peered down\nat the paper. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMy God, Browning. A birth announcement? The mother, father\nor baby?\u201d He looked down again. \u201cA drunk driver, of course. But a nonprofit\ndirector who just received a promotion? What are you playing at?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Browning  looked up.\n\u201cI\u2019m not playing at anything, Mr. Winchester. I\u2019ve randomly selected three\nnames. And it\u2019s the mother, to be precise. Which is entirely acceptable. Mrs.\nDerringer, do you have a third suggestion?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He looked at Mrs. Derringer expectantly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, I do.\u201d She closed her eyes and breathed deeply.\n\u201cThere\u2019s a dog trainer at Muttin\u2019 Matters on Wishing Well Avenue. Darius\nStyles. I choose him.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Browning wrote on his pad. \n\u201cThat leaves you, Mr. Ruger. You\u2019re the last one to give us three\nnames.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The three swiveled to look at their silent partner. His\nhooded head rose from the table, displaying a grey sweatshirt with a large\nmarijuana leaf emblazoned in a bold green color and the saying, \u201cHigh Roller,\nHigh Stakes, High Times\u201d below it in a loopy rainbow script. He looked younger\nthan the others by several decades.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCall me Josh.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Browning nodded. \u201cOkay, Josh. Who do you suggest?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Josh looked down at the table, the hoody falling over his\neyes. \u201cGuido Sarducci, an Italian priest in New York.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Browning wrote on his paper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd Wayne Campbell, from Illinois. He\u2019s got a talk show on\ncable.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Browning recorded the name. Mr. Winchester frowned. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNow you\u2019re playing games, Ruger.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCall me Josh.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOkay, Josh. Those are fictional characters. From Saturday\nNight Live.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAh, but those are my names. \nAren\u2019t you the kettle calling the pot black, Mr. Winchester?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMy names are real, however distasteful they may be to you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis is all very unusual.\u201d Mr. Browning ran his hand through\nhis hair. \u201cApparently Mrs. Derringer and I are the only two who are taking this\nseriously.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, I\u2019m taking it very seriously.\u201d The young man looked at\nthe others. \u201cWhich is why the third name is my own.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

They gasped. Mr. Browning started stuttering. \u201cI-I-I-I\u2026 I\ndon\u2019t know that I can use that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mrs. Derringer sniffed and looked at Josh, curling her upper\nlip. \u201cYoung man, you are making light of a situation that none of us are\nenjoying. Perhaps you aren\u2019t sure how this is supposed to work.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI understand perfectly. We each put forth three names and\nthen come to a unanimous decision.\u201d She nodded, and he continued. \u201cWe\u2019ve all done\nthat. Now we discuss and decide. Or else we will be here all day.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cApparently you don\u2019t want to be here at all. On this earth.\u201d\nMr. Winchester peered intently at the young man and studied his face then\nturned to the other man. \u201cOkay, Browning, we\u2019ve got our names. Now what?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Browning flipped through a small notebook and read\nquickly. \u201cNow we debate our nominations. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Josh spoke up. \u201cThere\u2019s nothing to debate. I refuse to agree to\nany of your nominations, Unless you choose mine, there is no consensus.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut two of your names are fictional, and the other is\nyourself!\u201d Mrs. Derringer looked scandalized. \u201cWe have to provide the officials\nwith the name today, and if it\u2019s fictional, we won\u2019t have done our job in good\nfaith. Not to mention that we\u2019ll be the laughingstock of the community.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ve given you one real name.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNow Mr. Ruger\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s Josh.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNow, Josh. This isn\u2019t the way it\u2019s supposed to work. Be\nreasonable. We can\u2019t choose under duress.\u201d Mr. Browning turned towards the\nyounger man. He continued.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTake my choices, for example. Yes, a new mother sounds\nawful, but men are much more likely to remarry after a spouse dies, so the baby\nshould have a new mother relatively quickly. And why not a drunk driver?\nPutting people at risk like that.  I\nbelieve there\u2019s justification there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd your dedicated nonprofit leader?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, well, that\u2019s random. All three of them are, actually.\nWhich is an entirely rational way to approach it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd therein lies my problem.\u201d Josh looked at the others. \u201cWe\nare supposed to approach this rationally, but it\u2019s an entirely irrational\nactivity. Mr. Winchester can\u2019t select rationally, so instead he selects his\nunfaithful wife, her lover and his childhood priest. He argues that it\u2019s best\nfor society. But it\u2019s self-serving.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Winchester\u2019s face reddened. \u201cIt may be self-serving, but\nall of them would be justified.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJustified by whom?\u201d The young man began pacing around the\nroom as the others glanced at each other and then watched him. \u201cHow can any of\nyou make this decision about anyone else?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mrs. Derringer spoke up quickly. \u201cIt\u2019s been this way for\ngenerations. It\u2019s random and impersonal by design. None of us are eager to be\nin this position.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut you\u2019ve quickly nominated people who obviously distress\nyou. A homeless beggar? A crazed grieving widow?  I venture to guess that your dog groomer has\noffended you somehow \u2013 that\u2019s not random.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mrs. Derringer shifted and folded and unfolded her fan. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAny objections to this process should have been brought up\nbefore this panel was convened.\u201d Mr. Browning ran his hand through his hair and\nsighed. \u201cI move that we accept all names offered and proceed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf what Josh is saying is correct, if he isn\u2019t going to\nagree to any name other than his own, that would be suicide. I can\u2019t be a party\nto that.\u201d Mr. Winchester sat down heavily at the table. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMr. Winchester, you know as well as I do that once the name\nis officially submitted, it will occur within 48 hours, with the timing and\nmethod unknown. I hardly call it a suicide if it is not self-initiated.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut you are initiating it!\u201d Mrs. Derringer\u2019s voice rose as\nshe lost her composure. \u201cThink of your mother, Josh. Think of the life you\nstill have ahead of you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Josh shook his head. \u201cWhat makes me different from any of the\nnames that all of you have put forth? Each has a mother. Hell, one just became\na mother! Everyone on our list is loved by somebody. Our task is unforgiveable,\nand I refuse to play God. I cannot and will not condemn anyone. I keep my name\nsubmitted.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, no, no, no, no\u2026.\u201d Mr. Browning mumbled to himself as\nMrs. Derringer crossed herself.  Mr.\nWinchester wiped his shining brow with a handkerchief. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis is truly a deplorable situation,\u201d Mr. Winchester put\nthe handkerchief in his pocket. \u201cWhy you chose to take this approach, I\u2019ll\nnever understand.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJosh, please reconsider.\u201d Mrs. Derringer stood up and put a\ngloved hand gently on his arm. \u201cThink of your family, and the years you still\nhave to live.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe only difference between me and the folks you nominated\nis that I am in front of you. I\u2019m not changing my position. Do what you will.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mrs. Derringer removed her hand and placed it on her throat\nas she walked away from Josh. Her voice was thick. \u201cLet\u2019s get it over. Let\u2019s\nvote.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Browning took his glasses off. \u201cThis is highly\nirregular.\u201d He wiped the lenses with his \nshirt sleeve. \u201cBut we have no other options.  Josh, will you agree to any of the names that\nhave been put forth, except for your own?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He put his glasses back on and looked at the young man who shook\nhis head. Mrs. Derringer inhaled sharply and sat down. Mr. Winchester stared\nangrily at the hooded young man. Mr. Browning fixed his gaze on the table and\nspoke in a thick voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWill both you, Mr. Winchester, and you, Mrs. Derringer, vote\nfor the name that Mr. Ruger, uh, Josh, has put forward?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Winchester scowled at them all.  Mrs. Derringer started to cry. Mr. Browning\nsighed, took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Josh spoke quietly. \u201cWhy is it like this? Why do we do this?\nWe don\u2019t have to.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one looked at him. No one spoke. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then Mrs. Derringer\u2019s voice broke the silence with a whisper.\n\u201cYes.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

All heads turned towards her. She continued to cry but nodded\nher head. \u201cI vote yes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Browning wrote on his pad. \u201cMr. Winchester?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The man nodded and grunted an assent. He wiped his forehead\nagain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Browning continued. \u201cJosh?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The young man gave a thumbs up, face hidden in the folds of\nthe hoody. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Browning made one last note on his pad. His hands were\nshaking. \u201cWe have a unanimous decision.\u201d He stood up, walked to the door and\nopened it. \u201cI will give our results to the officials. Thank you for your time\nand cooperation.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He exited quickly, leaving the others alone. Mr. Winchester\nstood up and followed without a word. Mrs. Derringer dabbed at her eyes with a\ntissue and looked at Josh as she prepared to leave. She started to speak but\nstopped. She reached a hand out towards the young man but withdrew it. Then\nshe, too, exited without a word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The young man sat alone for a long while. Then he stood up and walked out into the day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cWe have a critical task before us.\u201d Mr. Browning looked at the two men and the woman sitting around the table, strangers all, before he spoke again. \u201cIt must be someone we can all agree on. The decision must be unanimous.\u201d They shifted. The woman and one of the men looked at each other. The other man placed his head … Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[117,115,114,112,116,113,118],"class_list":["post-317","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-shorts","tag-committee","tag-execution","tag-generation-gap","tag-group-think","tag-hoody","tag-officials","tag-shorts","no-post-thumbnail"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/elizabetholdham.com\/wpd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/317","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/elizabetholdham.com\/wpd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/elizabetholdham.com\/wpd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elizabetholdham.com\/wpd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elizabetholdham.com\/wpd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=317"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/elizabetholdham.com\/wpd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/317\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":321,"href":"https:\/\/elizabetholdham.com\/wpd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/317\/revisions\/321"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/elizabetholdham.com\/wpd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=317"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elizabetholdham.com\/wpd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=317"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elizabetholdham.com\/wpd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=317"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}